i don't know, I feel kind of all over the place today...thinking about trust and detachment and that phone calls & what ever he does shouldnt matter, but it's hard for them not to... I think maybe I am making some overall progress in my ability to DB consistently, however, perhaps it's becoming more of an automatic response....
Last night was not a good evening w/H, he had a really bad day at work, increases in work load,conflicts w/boss, etc., and was really angry. He got home at 8:15 and stood in the kitchen and vented for a good 1 1/2 hours.....I just listened, stayed there and talke, before I would have dissmissed it...H was not as warm/loving as ususual, hasnt been for several days, not as many hugs, etc....instead of trying to increase the amount that I initiate, I've just kind of backed off, although I'm missing them big time! last night after we got in bed, I gave him a big kiss and he actually didn't respond well to it, said it made him feel like he was drowning and I was "taking his air" (wasnt THAT big a kiss!)....instead of freaking out and getting upset, I just told him "sorry, didnt mean to, you're just that irresistable, good night and sweet dreams" and rolled over and went to sleep.Actually, I should give myself a gold star that I was able to roll over and go to sleep instead of "freaking out"....Now today of course theres the nagging fear that things are firing up w/OW, but I know yesterday was bad and upsetting at work. My hope is that just being able to blow off steam for and hour and a half is good, means he's comfortable and "safe" at home....
I don't know, I'm just too tired to deal with it all today. and of course, this is Wednesday so I'll be bringing S in to class, and H will probably be on phone w/OW....
Still, I feel like being able to stay calm and back off in response to his irritable/distant mood in a big accomplishment.
