Is it Midlife Crisis, Walkaway Spouse or the End?

[25yearsmlc]

through the change in life events (death in family, empty nest,

1) Sjs, do you have another thread?

2) the life events you describe, will likely happen to all of us, if the death was of a parent.

My comment (see my signature block below) is that whether it is an MLC or a WAW does not change your course of action.

In retrospect, I've come to believe there is not a significantly higher chance of an MLC's
returning to the m, even though mine did for a decade. I spent way too much time trying to get into h's head and figure out WHY he was doing what he was doing.

AND I spent way too much time on whether it was an MLC or the culmination of a pattern in his behavior.

I now think it was the latter, but I hesitate to project my situation onto yours. But yes, a decade ago he did behave in new ways. Stopped being responsible for bills, left for "a job up the road (300 miles) and then to Alaska to "check out a job", etc. Never admitted he was leaving me and our d's at home, or that he was selfish, or dishonest, etc.

He'd say he was not telling me things b/c I would "over react" or "he didn't want to hurt me", (so he was actually noble for lying).

Frankly, I wish I could get that time back.


she doesn't want the responsibility to arrange family gathering - which we did through the weekend, she has parted ways with her closest friends - two of which went through divorce, she wants freedom, change in appearance - weight loss, more revealing clothing, hasn't actually left, desire to quit her job, general detachment from family, discontent with aging, has new party friends, bouts of depression, some signs of behaviour change, has stated she thought to herself that she may have MLC but dismisses it, said she doesn't care what family or friends think...). While unconfirmed an affair is probable as she stays out on weekends

Ouch...

It helped me to know that in a certain amount of time, I'd leave/file. Limbo would not continue eternally. My "end limbo" date was the high school graduation of my older d.

But h seemed to awaken in time and so we reconciled. Before we could really set boundaries and piece in a smart way (that's on me, btw)

h's mother got terminally ill and the piecing process was derailed.

So If you do reconcile, know that piecing is not an easy road, and must be as clearly structured and adhered to as possible. You may want to read BLuwave's thread for help.

Hang in there.