25 - On the dating question - it's right when YOU are ready, meaning when you are done . It's certainly not fair to start a new relationship if you're still hung up on the ex.
That time is different for different people. In my case -so much like yours - I'd had ten years of DBing my butt off. I had peace of mind that I'd done everything possible to try to save my marriage - my conscience was clear. And I knew that even if he came crawling back, I could never trust him again. So when he filed three months after he finally moved out, six months after he announced his intention to do so, I was DONE. And dating at that time for me was very healing and validating.
I will admit though, that for the next three or four years of dating, I unconsciously picked guys who weren't truly available for a real relationship : Love Avoidants, too young, or otherwise not relationship material. I think it was because I wasn't ready myself to be asked for more.
When I was finally ready Mr. TDH showed up and he DID seem to be available for a real relationship. Sadly he turned out to be a liar and a sociopath, but until I recently discovered that, it was a nice relationship lolol!
