Morphing into Red Hot Mama 2

[sage]

more questions if you don't mind, how long after you started DBing did your H part w/OW?

As I mentioned on my thread, I suspected the EA long before I had "proof". I first started suspecting in June 02, and found proof at the very end of October 02. The proof was my h's email account...no I didn't hack into it!

I didn't actually FIND DB'ing until AFTER the fact...started DB'ing according to "the book" at end of November 2002.

BUT...I do think that most of my instincts and actions from 06/02 - 10/02 were pretty DB-centric. Trying to stay upbeat and positive, trying to detach myself from his moods, trying to create very positive experiences together despite the uncertainty, etc.

How did you know he was being truthful about it w/you?

I didn't. And that has truly been my biggest stumbling block...because if you get yourself riled up thinking he's not telling the truth then you will most certainly confront in one way or another and that didn't help my sitch AT ALL.

What was the biggest help to you in getting through it?

Let's see...I do believe that meditating daily has saved my "mind". I can recommend some sites to visit if you are interested.

learning that it was OK to DO NOTHING was also a saver...I'm a very action-oriented person and it was a difficult less one to learn.

And finally, stopping ALL snooping. I know lots of folks here disagree but the simple fact is that I no longer snoop. It was causing a tremendous amount of anxiety for me and that was translating into really bad behavior on my part. It's very hard for me to act "as if" while I'm trying to convince myself on the other hand that something untoward is going on....

Did you see signs that he was pulling away from her before it really "took"?

My h was definitely warming up with me during the 06/02 - 11/02 phase...OTOH, he WAS still involved and he WAS still pretty horrible when the bomb dropped 11/1/02....but I do think that I was successful creating a positive place and environment for him to be.