WW in PA: Threaten to tell kids? Confront OM?

[hoosjim]

25YM, thank you so much for the kind words of support and for the very insightful advice. And thank you for challenging my (pre)conceptions and ideas...it is helpful and I value that.

As for my GAL efforts, I am pretty satisfied with those, which is why I have not really posted asking for any advice. I have been working out ALOT, and, Even at 50, I am in the best shape physically I have been in since before I got married. I have also been focusing on my faith and have been attending a different church part-time because I have found it extremely inspirational and very supportive. By connecting with others and by reconnecting with a couple old friends (one of whom is my best friend, a former atheist, who only recently in the wake of his own separation found God) I have both broadened and strengthened my own faith. The only possible gap is spending "out time" with friends. The current OM was my only real "local" friend at the time of affair discovery. I have since reconnected with one or two older local friends, but neither are much into the going out and doing things mode. My best friend is within an hours drive and I travel down there about every third weekend to socialize and go out. About every other week we will have dinner out up here. I have also taken to going to a local establishment at the end of the days I work out of my home office where I sit on the deck, chat with folks, and finish my administrative tasks for the week. But I do not have a robust support network locally, as of right now.

As to my WW... I have alot of intel on this A, and I am confident that she is definitely "wayward" in just about every sense. In some ways doesn't seem at all like the girl I married. She fits the pattern and I am fairly comfortable in my thinking that she needs to experience the loss of the marital comfort zone, and me as husband, to perhaps start to jar her out of her fog. I know that the road back, if there is to be one, God willing, will be long and hard and will involve much, much more than ending this current A. However, I also know that we will not even be able to start down this road until this current A is at an end. I have been working on self and other DB steps, now, for three and a half months. I am no longer willing to abide an A under this roof. If the guy I am now had been here three and a half months ago, he would have said "this ends now or we end now", but, that guy was not here then. He is here now, though, and he can't stand the thought of much more time of having this A constantly in his face. (Did I mention that my W is REALLY bad at hiding things like this, even when she is trying?)