25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[AJM]

Good advice! All of it. And yes, 25, don't be so hard on yourself. I tried incredibly hard to never bad mouth my ex. I've slipped once or twice. I can count on one hand the number, but I still have a few times over the years. It makes you human and a family to share in some of the highs and lows of your feelings.
That said, I think you have a task forming. The task is to find healthier ways (for YOU) to get those feelings expressed. Talk to a friend, post here, get a volleyball and paint a face on it, or whatever actually works for YOU. You'll have to try some things and be flexible, but you can figure it out. Do not think that you're superhuman. You will have time you'll need to get expressive. I know I still do after all these years, but they do come farther apart then ever before.
I am so much happier now than I was then and in the couple of years leading up to that time in my life. You will be too. It just takes some time, especially while you're on the roller coaster with the courts involved. Part of that is because he will actively try to push your buttons. There's no telling how long it will be before he stops trying so hard to 'punish' you.

A thought: I'm reminded of a story attributed to Buddha. I'm not a Buddhist, but it makes sense to me. The story goes like this, "Buddha was walking down the street when a man approached him. The man hurled insults at him and told him, 'you have no right to tell others what to do. You're just like us!' He was clearly angry. Buddha turned to him and said, 'let me ask you a question. If you give a gift to somebody and they do not accept it, who owns it?' The man was stunned, but still angry and he sarcastically replied, 'I do!' Buddha smiled and said, 'that's correct. And just like a gift, if I do not accept your anger, you still own it.'"

You don't have to accept his anger. You don't have to give it back either. You only need to deal with your own hurt and feelings, both because of him and because of yourself.

On the latter, I suggest you be much more objective and see it how others see your choices. I know you'll replay them at some point, but I hope you don't linger too long. I think you're a special person that has made some hard choices over the years. A person with a great deal of integrity and class. A very smart person with those attributes to be sure. Don't let a point in time keep you down.

Peace,
AJM