I don't really have any advice. But I can totally relate to what you must be experiencing
Many of our relationships and breakups were filled with trauma. Being left and blamed and gaslighted, (like most of us were) is bound to affect our self esteem and confidence in trusting what we are feeling. We dont want to be the people are ex's made us out to be. We also don't want to be doormats and we certainly do not want to choose a partner that will betray or lie to us like our ex's. It seems like there is a lot at stake.
But here's the thing. You have everything going for you right now. With or without him you will survive and thrive. Just take it day by day and get to know him and let him get to know you. And remember that you have tons to offer to a partner that is smart enough to appreciate it. No need to worry about Where he's at, because you know who you are and any guy would be really lucky to have you as a partner.
