If adultery is not something you're willing to accept then you should put your foot down. That is a boundary. A HUGE one for married people. Don't rage but do be firm about your boundaries and your self-respect.
Hoos
you will get different advice from spouses who have OM/OWs in the situation.
Sometimes it is projection and sometimes it's just a black and white view and or not really reading your whole thread.
I find you to be very insightful about your role. While I think affairs are wrong, they are not all alike.
You have a DB coach and I would defer to their advice. I do NOT see your wife as the type to rush back into your arms and away from OMs
until if/when she believes your changes are real and will be lasting.
As you said, she's had 10 years of rejection from you and she did tell you, repeatedly, about her unmet essential needs.
Your insight, your faith and commitment to working on this and doing your best to live by your vows will help you so much.
It can be a fine line between self respect and prideful ego. Make sure you know where it is before making your choices. Are you close to your parish priest?
How was forgiveness modeled in your childhood?
also I suggest you read Bluwaves thread. Her h had an open affair and and is working his a$$ off to reconcile.
But it took him 1-2 years to awaken and their m did not have the issues yours has.
Stay with this...it's the best approach I know of if saving the m is the goal, and I know it is.
((( )))
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
