Oh 25! I missed that you were back here because I never come to Newcomers. Plus I've been going through some big time dating drama of my own in April. You'll find me lurking on Surviving the Big D.
Your story is sadly similar to mine - reconciliation followed by a repeat 10 years later. Narcissist husband (something I only truly recognized after the divorce.)
I have always tried not to badmouth my ex, but my kids are not stupid, and his behavior with them since the divorce has gradually eroded their relationships with them. Again, as a narcissist, he could not understand any of their mental health issues, or anything that didn't reflect well on HIM (as a narcissist, their value lies in how they make HIM look). I try to avoid badmouthing him while still trying not to invalidate their very real feelings about him. One son has not spoken to him in a year and a half.
Too bad you are not still here in California, I'd take you out for a (virgin for you) margarita.
I'm sorry he's being such a jerk in the divorce but judges do not look kindly upon guys who suddenly resign their jobs while going through a divorce (especially after he moved up there specifically to work). Have you considered hiring a P.I. in Alaska to see if he's working under the table somewhere? That might be worth spending a little money to check out.
Also, if you think he was hiding some significant money before, a forensic accountant might be in order.
I know you're still in the painful part of this, but know the following: - it's delightful not having to walk on eggshells around a moody narcissist anymore. - every man I have dated since my ex thought I was fantastic and couldn't understand what my ex was thinking. - I have a lot more time in my life for other things without my ex in it. (Btw I just got my first official recording credit, playing Vibraphone and glockenspiel on my professional musician friend's new album - little ole amateur me playing with big-time serious professional musicians! Something that would never have happened without my divorce.) - I LOVE having total control over my finances, without my ex's impulsive financial moves. And even though my income with alimony is less than half of his, I get the feeling my finances are in better order than his. Check out the Mr Money Mustache website for some inspiration. - My career and newfound musical hobby life have flourished since the divorce. - Since the breakup of my marriage, little things - or even big things like the current dating implosion disaster on my thread - seem like small potatoes in comparison. I feel kinda invincible - like the worst has already happened, that thing I tried so hard to prevent, the breakup of my marriage - and I survived and thrived, so anything else that comes up just looks totally surmountable.
I know it's hard to look ahead when you're still embroiled in the divorce stuff, but how about making yourself a vision board? Put all the nice things and experiences you want to pursue in your life on it.
(A few years after my divorce, I found a list I'd made - an exercise in a self-help book - listing 100 things I'd like to do in my life. This was made years before the divorce. One of the things I'd put on the list - I swear I don't even remember thinking this at the time - was to play in a band. And here I was 5 years later, having learned to play the drums after my divorce, playing in a pop-punk band and touring playing glockenspiel and percussion with my professional singer-songwriter friend. So but some BIG dreams on that vision board - you never know what will come of it!)
