WW in PA: Threaten to tell kids? Confront OM?

[hoosjim]

Thank you so much, Sandi, your insights really are invaluable. I have actually become much more contemplative about confronting the OM-- primarily, I think, it is something I need to do for myself and my confidence in myself. Walking into that bar where I used to hang out last night and where I knew I would be alone amongst "enemies" (That's now where my W hangs out with the OM and his friends) was one of the hardest/bravest (stupidest? ) things I have ever done. Would have been nice to have closed the book by talking to the OM, though. Honestly, the guy who posted earlier why don't I "kick his a$$" is something I have considered, though I am now much more centered and at peace than I used to be, and realize that doing that would only likely hurt everyone involved. At the end of the day, I think it may have been God's hand that had me not meet up with my nemesis yesterday... I remain convinced that He is playing a very big role in watching over and sheparding me as I go through all of this.. So maybe not even my place/time to confront OM.

On other fronts, do you think you could answer my questions about how to handle: 1) The move-out request if my W refuses to move out? Ginger raised some good points and, honestly, I am not sure how anyone ANYWHERE would ever have any legal leverage to remove a spouse from a marital abode unless a divorce decree had been granted or there was domestic violence involved. What DO you do if the WS refuses to leave the bedroom and/or the home? I THINK mine will probably comply but... you can never be to sure with waywards, I am finding. Do you just move aggressively to start D proceedings?
AND 2) If she AGREES to "cut contact"... how much do I trust and how much do I monitor/snoop. They have already become very proficient at hiding the A, but I do have some monitoring options available to me. As I posted earlier:

"Also, how do I handle tonight if she "agrees" to my terms? I am inclined to ask for some transparency (ie give up the cheater phone, exchange social media passwords, etc) as well as some assurances about where and when she will go out (obviously NOT to the OM's regular hangout- a potential problem since this is also her wayward best friend's favorite hangout). Also, not sure I can/will even trust her since she hasn't even fully acknowledged the A and has been VERY secretive all along. Should I be prepared to do a little snooping/monitoring (which I am capable of with fairly little risk)?