In the UK- PT22 - anyone for a glayvar?

[Huddy]

Hi Rd

Good to hear from you. Hope you're OK. God, me, you, NDY seem to have been here decades. We'll be getting our long service awards from Job soon

Yes, I was upset at not seeing them. I haven't seen them in a week. Yes, I think it is control and by the text exchange, she clearly enjoyed having that over me. Yeah, I should have thought twice before the text exchange. I had a shite day at work and was really looking forward to hugs and kisses. Haven't been sleeping well again - five or six hours max and even though I'm exhausted, I have difficulty getting to sleep. My temper got the better of me. Legal is so expensive. Does it really solve anything? If she didn't comply, I go back to court, for what? More hurt to the kids, no thanks, I'm trying to protect them from this.

Saving myself? Well, I did try to do a date on a slightly non-conformist website (NDY knows what one - can't share on here). When it came to nailing the deal, I couldn't. Couldn't be bothered really and my confidence is still low. You do kind of think 'why would anybody want me?'. Bollox I know, but that's what this whole nonsense does to you.

W, as she is now, is somebody I wouldn't want to know. Real W is lurking somewhere inside that selfish, destructive mess. Teasing it back out is so difficult. Of course, real W might be a stranger to me, and might have been playing me all our M. I think if that was the case, we'd all be so 'destroyed' we probably couldn't cope, so that thought gets locked away.

I've calmed down now. Had a bath and now demolishing a tub of Flake ice cream! My moral compass is set to help anybody, if I can and they're not taking the pi$$. Here's something I'll share with you. I've been working extra at the moment to help pay for a nice holiday with the kids in the summer. Anyway, on my way home on Sunday, I felt something tell me to give a free meal voucher I had in my pocket to a homeless guy on the street. I'm not religious, but it was a bit weird, like a poke in the back telling me to do it. The guy was so overwhelmed that I'd given him this, I felt a bit embarrassed and kind of smiled and walked away. And there's the crux - my W wants me to help- I can only see how this can benefit the kids and myself, so I comply. My own fault.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by RD - if you fancy a Scot and a Yorkie stumbling over to Ireland for a beer, I'm sure we can arrange that