WW in PA: Threaten to tell kids? Confront OM?

[hoosjim]

So, I actually DID manage to have the "cut contact" talk with W late last night. (She woke up from her sleep). Short sweet, to the point: "What I told you last week wasn't about making a final decision on "us", was about a decision by you on continuing contact with OM. I know what has ben going on, and I am not willing to live in an open marriage or indeed for you to continue to have any kind of contact with the OM while you are living under this roof. If yoy are hoing to stay i need you to cut all conract, and I need an answer by tomorrow (meaning today/Tuesday)." She said she understood but also stuck to party line that it was not an "A" and that contact had been getting less and less and was almost down to nothing. (Not true, at least as of laSt Thursday when she met him at bar.) I merely reiterated my stance that all contact had to stop.

So, today she has been very text-y. Somewhat more so than usual. No hint of any anger, etc. Texts nothing critical just "how is your conference going", "how is so and so doing", etc. I have responded "in kind", by being cordial but not any more wordy than she is being. Should I be being more standoffish, though? Don't want to be a jerk or anything, but want to keep an appropriate distance, too.

Also, how do I handle tonight if she "agrees" to my terms? I am inclined to ask for some transperancy (ie give up the cheater phone, exchange social media passwords, etc) as well as some assurances about where and when she will go out (obviously NOT to the OM's regular hangout- a potential problem since this is also her wayward best friend's favorite hangout). Also, not sure I can/will even tris her since she hasn't even fully acknowledged the A and has been VERY secretive all along. Should I be prepared to do a little snooping/monitoring (which I am capable of with fairly little risk)?

Also, if she tells me she wont cut contact, i think my path is clear: "okay, youre moving out of bedroom tonight and house asap... start thinking about what youre going to tell the kids because i am not going to lie for you." Beyond that, any tips on how to kick start her down the road to avoid any pasdive aggressive lingering in the household? Any other tips/thoughts for tonight's talk?

An interesting overlay will be her picking up her WW best friend at the airport tonight... whom I am sure will take the opportunity to trash me and tell her what a controlling loser I am.

Thanks, all!