You guys aren't going to beleive this 3

[Bdog37]

I'm really trying to convince myself to let her go once and for all. This is the 3rd time she's left it's usually when we are looking to take the next step in our relationship that we will have some sort of disgreement and then she will drop the bomb.

Hang in there and I know you have been DB'ing for a much longer time than me. I personally decided I was done in my M because I realized one day that I deserved better. Can't tell you how to let her go, or even if you should, but I can tell you that it does get better.

We may truly never "let go" of our S's, but I know that overtime things do get easier. DB is a lifelong process even if you decide to stop working on your M. Use the principles you learned to continue to grow internally.

As for how I'm feeling right now, I'm done. I dont want W back. I was living in a fantasy world and idealizing her and creating this image of her in my mind that did not accurately reflect who she really was or what she really believed in.

As you stated already, this is an emotional rollercoaster. Give it some time to let your emotions settle before making any drastic decisions. I'm sure this is how you feel now, but don't do anything that could possibly jeopardize how you may feel tomorrow...cause you just never know.

I feel my anger building and I want to call her out on her BS.

Of course and I know many of us on here have wanted to do the same. However, I'm glad you are taking the 180 approach on this and not actually doing it. You know the truth...which means you know your own faults and what you need to work on to become a better Thornton. No amount of calling her out will ever help her realize her own faults. She needs to realize that on her own.

Anger is a powerful emotion, but I think after you deal with it you can finally start working on healing. Just be careful on how much you allow your anger to build up. It could possibly turn you "jaded" (in your words) towards any kind of reconciliation or future R's for that matter. Learn to find ways to deal with it positively. Not saying that you shouldn't feel anger, think we all have the right to, but I am saying that you don't want to hold onto it forever. Grieving is a process and anger is part of that process, but just don't let it define who you are.

Stay strong cause tomorrow is a new day