Something kind of funny happened this weekend---H put on a pair of windpants I got him....he looked really nice in them...I went up to him in the kitchen and rubbed my hands over his behind and told him I liked the way he looked in them....H told me I wasn't supposed to be "looking at boys behinds" I asked him "why not, you look at girls boobs" and he said "well of course, that's natural, but if you look at boys it could cause all kinds of problems"....I just laughed and told him I couldnt resist looking at him, but thought it was kind of funny.... Another positive...I almost forgot...I tried on the dress for D's wedding to decide if it needed to be let out a little thru the seat...asked H, he said "I wouldnt worry about it, it's ok, and it LOOKS REALLY GREAT with the jacket" ....a compliment on my appearance!!!!yes!
Hi Jen, take care of yourself! I understand needing to take a break from everything, including the board.
This stuff is the most incredibly draining thing I think I have ever had to deal with....and sometimes it seems like it goes on and on and on, no end in sight, and lows can hit so suddenly and be so low. So, take care of yourself! I am looking foward to your email, though. I havent heard from BnB and have been kind of worried about her, wondering what's up....I tried to find her last week, but I don't seem to have her thread marked and didnt manage to catch up w/her...BnB, if you see this, let us know how you are!
oh, grrrr, the crazymaker still lives here....OW just drove by talking on her cell phone....of course my thought is she's talking to H.... O well, she probably is, nothing I can do about it anyway, but I guess the jokes on her, for all her hot come ons, his feet are still parked under my table and he's still in my bed every night. Dang I wish that woman would give up and get a life though!
I thought I'd bump this up, because I've been thinking of it a lot this afternoon. Anyone else find this happens to them?
One thing I find interesting personally, is that I think my DBing efforts are working on me. this is weird and kind of scary, but for the last couple of days (couple of weeks, actually) I've had this sense of falling head-over-heels in love w/H again...I find myself just staring at him and thinking how great he is, and being all soft and "squishy hearted" towards him....I don't know if this is good, because I don't know if it's mutual, and lord it's scary to think you have feelings like that arent returned. It will be so much harder to lose him if I do if I'm feeling like this rather than all hard and angry. Does anybody else find this happening to them? Is DBing supposed to work on the DB'er as well as the DB'ee? It really is a scary thing to me.
Rottzilla, If you see this, I read the marriage bed website, I've used a lot of those ideas....got good results on valentines day....have you found any more that are good but not real pornographic?
I mentioned last week noticing that H doesnt use mouthwash constantly and reek of aftershave like he used to....I was hoping that was a sign maybe he really is not seeing OW....Saturday after he left the house for "work", I commented to myself "huh, that really is interesting" and S overheard me and wanted to know what was interesting....I told him I was just thinking how his dad didn't seem to be be as much into mouthwash and aftershave as he used to be...S piped up and said "Oh my God, he used to pour that stuff on himself people use when they're dating all the time until he reeked clear across the room....no, he doesnt do that anymore". From out of the mouthes of babes, even S noticed.
deb, no I havent noticed it in my sitch (yet) but I think I understand it. 1 - you are happier with the direction your R is going 2 - focusing on things makes it expand - you're trying to focus on positives, and not crazymake the negatives 3 - you're learning a LOT about him, yourself, and your R which is always healthy 4 - PMA breeds PMA - seen a lot of that.
I've said it before - go you! Lock and key the crazymaking monster. Print out your post on things that make you pity the OM, and keep it handy when you start to think his walks, cellphone, etc are all OW related.
hang in there
Bill.
"you are who you chose to be" - Iron Giant
Link To CURRENT Sitch
The Crazymaker is still knocking on the door (pounding, actually) BUT I managed to beat her away last night......I got the cell phone bill before H did, there were probably 10 phone calls to OW on there, the longest for 15 mins. last Wed while I was gone taking S to religion class. Now of course the bright side to that is that if he was on the cell w/her he wasnt with her, and he wasnt talking w/her the whole time I was gone. all the others are really weird....they're just 1 minute....which I assume is the minimum billing amount....what the heck do you say in 1 minute other than ILY??????absolutely drove me bonkers, confirmed though that I did hit her cell # when we were car shopping. AGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, damn it why does he have to keep calling her??????????? Why does he say he loves me, and I swear he's sincere, I can tell when he isnt........and keep calling her all the time?????
Any way, of course I wanted to cry and scream and yell and question and beg and plead and chew his tail feathers and I......did........ nothing.....didn't say a word.....put the bill in my purse because I do need to check the amount......bit my tongue.....wrung my hands a little in private.....and went on as if nothing had happened.
It still bothers me, though. I believe if I was really detached, it wouldnt matter, right?
I did manage to ask myself if bringing up the calls would accomplish anything positive in relationship to my goals, and of course just asking and answering that question helps head a person in the right direction.
WHY does he keep up the constant phone calls though? my naughty mind knows that now that I know her cell # for sure I can block it from our home phone.....
Quote: all the others are really weird....they're just 1 minute....which I assume is the minimum billing amount....what the heck do you say in 1 minute other than ILY??????
My ASSumption: 1 minute calls are likely ones where he made the call but she wasn't there and they didn't actually speak.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Something kind of interesting happened last night....weird in a way, but interesting.... H invited me to go for a walk with him, so of course I jumped at the invitation . We walk on a dike that runs alongside a river close to our house. Lots of memories there, we've done it off and on for almost 20 years. Anyway, I quit walking w/H about 2 years ago, stupid stupid me....and then he let me know he didn't want me to because he needed the "private time", so it's really special now to me when he extends an invitation. Last summer a colony of beavers returned to the river after being gone for 10 years....H told me about it a month or so ago and had been going to show them to me, then we keep getting sidetracked.
As we were walking home, H was behind me about 25 feet. Suddenly the thought of seeing the beavers popped into my mind, and I stopped and turned back to ask him where they were....simultaneously he told me we'd already passed them, and I looked up and saw one running along the top of the opposite bank...I said "oh there's one" and H came running up to look...it is a really unusual thing to see one running on a bank like that...just incredible. Then it struck me how weird it was that something had told me to stop and look at that very spot at that very instant....I told H "well see, I'm psychic" and he said "actually I sometimes think you are".... not to make too much of this, but as I thought of the incident, I wondered if maybe this was god's way of telling me that my instincts are accurate about things in my life.
I hate to sound to far out, but I really do believe that God speaks to each of us in unique ways, and sometimes we are so "deaf" that we don't get the message. I remember years ago we were trying to buy the lot our house is on, and it looked very hopeless....I was so discouraged, I remember praying that I needed God to take care of this problem one way or the other, but that I sure could use some type of sign that he was handling it. I was crying and opened my bible and started to read the first verse my eyes fell on, which was "let us arise and go up to Bethel" (don't enven know what book it's in) and immediately felt this warm glowing sense of peace. Guess what the name of the street is our house is on? yep....Bethel. There have been several other times when things like this have happened....so I can't help but think maybe this is something similar.
I've had the sense of peace sometimes in this mess of a sitch, but it seems to be more fleeting than at other times when I've known a problem was being taken care of....maybe that means I havent given it over enough.
I still think maybe that was a message to trust my instincts though.
. We walk on a dike that runs alongside a river close to our house. Lots of memories there, we've done it off and on for almost 20 years. Anyway, I quit walking w/H about 2 years ago, stupid stupid me....and then he let me know he didn't want me to because he needed the "private time", so it's really special now to me when he extends an invitation.