25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[25yearsmlc]

AJM

I don't want to hurt h's career. One of the reasons for that is purely selfish, the other reason is b/c I detest looking vindictive & don't want to have regrets related to anger.

Plus, I think h's behavior speaks for itself. So do his fb's posts. Much will come out in the pleadings I suspect.

Either he will be haunted by the damage he has done to our marriage, me, and our family/children, or he won't. Guilt, remorse, shame, missing me OR and our family or at least our son...will show themselves, or they won't.

I don't think you can inflict that much pain on people who love you, unscathed.

OR you can...

If h is literally incapable of empathy or remorse, then in my head, I know we are better off without him. My guess is that he'll continue to work on his R with S, and will stay in financial contact with d19 b/c she needs her tuition...(that's according to her, not h. She says she expects never to talk to him again after college. That is sad and not victorious to me. Just sad).

I do have the regret that this past weekend, I did not defend my h to my adult children and in fact, I b1tched about him.

I'm not proud of that. The Gross Div Crap I went through on Friday (kids came up Friday night) was exceedingly disturbing.

A bit humiliating but mostly infuriating...and then I saw the kids and yes, I vented...

sigh...

I also told them I am torn between wanting to be authentic with them b/c that's important to me in this life,

and wanting to protect them and to be above this type of discourse.

But s30 and d28 are grown...and now I'm justifying doing something i don't believe in, which is bad mouthing the other parent.

Damn. I regret this^^. Worse, S30 may have to testify at our hearing.

Ugh