25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Back from the gross divorce crap (I think "GDC" may be my new acronym for that. )

Anyhow lots to process. Conflicting emotions, mixed emotions.

*Not wanting to get stuck in the suffering of it all.

*Yet I replay a lot of our past now, wondering what was real and what I should have seen sooner or done differently.

*We are all supposed to learn from our mistakes.

But we are not supposed to ruminate needlessly or wallow in pain. That prevents our forward motion.

*We have to keep moving forward...like those sharks that breathe with movement or die if they stay still.

And yet...


IRONY - a year ago my h and I were interviewed about our marriage and the election. We did not agree on the candidate, though we have(had?) several beliefs in common.

We were in a national newspaper and then on national television. Our relationship was documented!

"in a solid marriage that has survived poverty, multiple degrees, deployments, childrearing..."

and on TV "after 35 years of a wonderful marriage, the 25's find themselves in conflict about this election..." (I might not have said a 'wonderful m' but still)

It was a tongue in cheek piece, it was funny and we had a great time. H said it was "one of the best things we've ever done. We're a great team." Lots of hugs and laughs.

Folks, the election is NOT why we are divorcing. But that^^ marriage, the one in which h said we were a great team, is the marriage I was in.


Either everything he nows says is BS or what he said then was BS, or I don't know...

*how much matters now? I want to learn from this, so a part of me says "a lot!"

*Another part says "25, in reality your h may not know the truth. Even if he does, he may not be able to explain why...or when something changed and he surely won't admit he should have been honest..."

*So What can you DO about it?

And the only answer that is coming to me today, is "change."

I think we have to change to get through our pain. If our story of loss doesn't change
and we keep repeating ourselves (trust me, I've been there)

then we are getting stuck. And I do not want to be stuck in pain.

*So that's what I know.