The man I was before the marriage was 20 years old! That person was so carefree and full of youth. How can I be that now? Again its more about discovering who I am now without her at 46 through GAL.
I'm not referring to the attributes that come with youth. What was your attitude in relationships with others? Did you let others bully you, or pick on you? Were you a leader or follower? How did you handle yourself as a man? What did you do if a girl mistreated you or cheated on you? If you had the NGS, then you probably apologized to the girl without knowing what you were apologizing for....b/c it's all you knew to do in order to keep the girl. Know what I mean? You say you have inner strength, so that is what she needs to see.
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She's still living here and I'm just treating her like a friend that is staying as a house guest. I'm still determined to stay in this place for now as I see no rush to bring on the D while she's in an active A.
What if the affair continues for a couple of years, or longer? Will you still see no rush? If you won't stand up to her while in an active A, when will you?
I'm really not trying to get you to file for a D. I'm just saying that she will not see your strength while you quietly sit back and allow her to benefit from being M to you...and having an affair, too.
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It would be good to have some help on some specific 180's that I can use to not be perceived as weak. I think that my wife very much values inner strength within a man.
There is another word to describe inner strength........"confidence". Women love to see a self-confident male. Not one who is stuck on himself or acts like a jerk to show off to everyone else, but mature confidence is very attractive.
If you won't do anything else, then please drop the rope. Don't treat her like a house guest........treat her like a tenant. We have to entertain a guest, and play nice.
Are you familiar with the term "drop the rope"? You let her go. You stop emotionally depending on her for your happiness, and stop acting co-dependent. Start acting more independent and start enjoying a life apart from her. This is the best time to do the things you stopped doing or put off b/c it wasn't something she enjoyed.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
