In my crazymaking mode this morning I've been thinking about the OW....I know that's a cheeseless tunnel, but maybe not completely useless, as I've been thinking about it from a little different perspective...what must this situation seem like to her....
f I were in her shoes, I would be going out of my mind....I don't know what H told her, I'm sure he must have whined and moaned, but if I was her I would be feeling like the worlds biggest all-time sucker....she: --left her live-in BF after a couple mos. w/H and moved to another town --increased her difficulties as a single parent by moving out of the town where her family is (only 20 miles, but still) --gave herself a commute of at least an hour/day with increased gas costs; --put her D's life in more upheaval by putting her in another school & home & community, --took on responsibilities of homeownership by herself --Lost the respect of "bosses" at her workplace (I suspect she's being watched closely, maybe H also, from comments he's made about how "heartless" they are and statements they've made in admin meetings I've been in) --At the least gotten herself exposed to an STD --Put herself in the position of being a poor role model for D --Put herself in the postion of promising to "wait" for him...I'd be really lonely... all this for..... --a 15 minute early morning phone call each day... --longer phone calls sometimes, when his W isnt around, probably over lunch hours --"hot" emails at work, which I suspect are monitored --knowing he is willingly going home to his family every night --knowing he's making plans/financial commitments w/family/wife that will make her life more complicated even if he did go to her. --having the guy desert their "shacking up" weekend to go home after his wife pounded on the door --maybe a few hours once a week together? --knowing he's spending his nights snuggled up w/wife, at the least --maybe knowing that W takes every opportunity to be intimate w/H....
WOW--I never looked at it like that before. S and his friends made up a rap song with "you FOOL" as a phrase....that keeps sticking in my mind.
what an idiot...what kind of a sucker/fool would make all those sacrifices on the basis of whiny/complaining words from somebody who's been married 24 years? The more I think about it, the more it blows my mind. Its incredible. Either H made huge promises to her...in which case he hasnt followed through...or she is a complete and total gullible idiot. Then I see that H must be feeling terribly guilty --he is the kind of person who feels guilt...maybe that is part of what makes it so hard for him to recommit to M.
oh my rambling mind. H told me months ago that things werent easy for OW....I've been so PO'd I've not seen that. Others here on the BB have mentioned that she's not to be envied....all I've been able to see thought is the "date night" situations, having a chance to always be at your best when you're around him and not have to deal with the nitty gritty details of everyday life together. Along that line of thought though, it must REALLY be a downer if you're always at your best and being fun, and he STILL won't leave the W for you. It would sure be nice if she's nuttier and clingier than I am!!!!! gives me a goal to work for, anyway.
