WAW and the Big D

[Bdog37]

Journaling

Wow, just wow.... Not sure why the actions of my STBEW still surprises me, but I just hate seeing how someone going through a MLC or being a WW, WAS, whatever, abandon their kids.

A couple weeks ago she texted me saying that she would like the girls on Mother's Day since it was my scheduled weekend with them. I, of course, said its not even a discussion and she could def have them that day. Makes sense, no?

So then last Thursday she texted me telling me they will be at the babysitter's so I could pick them up there and that on Mother's Day she plans on picking them up at noon and dropping them off at 4. I hesitated for a second and replied by saying she is more than welcome to have them the entire day. She told me that I had no right to tell her how to spend the day with "her kids" and that it was up to her.

I kindly went back and replied; "by no means and I'm trying to tell you how to spend your time with the girls". "I just thought that it being Mother's Day and all that you would like to spend the entire day with them"?!?! I told her that she could even pick them up Sat. night if she wanted to wake up with them. She came back and said, "ok, that's fine".

Now, at first I thought I was the one overreacting but then it started bugging me that she only wanted to spend 4 hours with her girls on the one day celebrated of being a mother. However, not my problem so I kindly responded by saying that I will have them ready by noon and she is more than welcome to drop them off at 4. I also asked her to extend me the same courtesy when it comes to Father's Day as I will want the entire day with them. She basically said no problem.

I've seen a similarity in OM1 and OM2. Neither one of them have children or much responsibility at all. They are free to do what they want and when they want to. Hell, the one she is with now is a 42 year old guy that lives with 4 roommates and is in a band. I truly now believe this is what she desires.

The problem with, whatever the hell she is going through, is the fact that she is ruining any relationship she has with my little girls and it breaks my heart. She gave up her time with them last Friday so she could go out of town with the OM2 so basically she only had them 2 days last week. It seems like a norm now.

I had to tell my oldest that she couldn't go to her last Girl Scout meeting because; "mommy was busy". Again, it was last Friday and the STBEW said she can't because she has, "plans" and she made these plans weeks in advance. Well those plans involved going up to the city for the weekend with OM2 and she happily posted it all over FB. I had to be the one to tell my oldest that she wouldn't be able to go...broke my heart. If I were able to bring her then I would have happily done so, (long story).

How is it that they can so easily give up precious time with their own children? The 2 nights a week that I go without my girls I am miserable. Is their own selfishness that blinding that they can't even see what they are doing to their own kids??

This is such a perplexing concept to me and I surely don't understand the mind frame of someone like this. I read a lot of posts over the weekend and came across a post by a user named Wishingitwasover. She made a great post on here (back in 2004) about the "Do's and Don'ts " when dealing with someone going through a MLC that really resonated with me.

They become Teenagers again and become VERY slefish, They Become VERY angry, They can Be VERY nasty, You can NOT take this personal, they are angry at themselves but will take it out on you.. Just like a teenager they will look at YOU as the Father/Mother figure NOT as a Husband or Wife..

I'm starting to believe that my STBEW is going through a MLC. The selfishness of her actions clearly demonstrate her mind frame right now. It's a shame to see that she would give up so much, but I guess I have to look at her as someone going through this and just continue to be a "rock" for my little girls.