It does make sense. Slippery slope probably too. Each situation is probably different I presume.
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
BTW - where is this "script" you speak of? Or was that just a metaphor?
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Is she starting to see what is about to be lost? Is she starting to come out of the fog? Or is she just upset that her whole world is about to change?
So some new dialog developments that I wanted to get some advise on.
As a quick recap:
1. Divorce has been filed (by me), and the clock is ticking. However, things with the divorce have stalled out and no communication has happened with either of our attorneys, no court dates, etc. In the last 2 weeks when anything about the divorce is brought up she says she doesn't know, and needs to think about what she wants (%'s of assets, child support, visitation, etc...) I leave it at that and don't press.
2. She is still seeing OM and all seems to be going well from what little I can observe. I know they see each other at every chance they get and she recently told me that "he treat me well, he is a great father to his kids, and know he would treat our son well". I don't ever bring OM up, she does.I tell her that I am happy for her that she is happy and found someone that treats her so well, etc...
3. For the past 2 weeks we have been getting along great. I have been doing 180's and been pretty good about it.
So, this past Friday we met to exchange our son because I was going to have him for the weekend. On my drive over there I passed by a plethora of Hibiscus flowers (which are her favorite flower). When we first started dating she did a painting for me of a hibiscus flower that her and I still love to this day. I picked one and gave it to her at the exchange of our son. When I gave it to her, her eyes lit up with joy that I hadn't seen in a long time. She said thank you.
As I was driving off with our son, she was still looking at the flower and then gave me a really nice wave bye. Shortly after she texted me a screenshot of the meaning of a hibiscus flower: "Means perfect wife or woman". I texted back saying "amazing and true". This was Friday afternoon at 4:30. There were several more pleasant texts back and forth with the final ones saying have a great night and enjoy your weekend type of stuff.
Friday night to the best of my knowledge, she hung out with OM and spent the night with him.
Saturday morning our son had a baseball game. We were both there but sitting apart from each other. Early in the game I went to use the restroom. While I was in the restroom she called me and asked me where I was. I told her in the restroom, why? She said she was outside of the restroom waiting on me and wanted me to walk with her to the concession stand across the park to get our son a water. I agreed and we walk over there and back together. All of it was positive/upbeat talk with one exception. I was telling the church plans for the weekend for me and son and she said "oh, I was wanting to go to church tonight". I asked her who she was going with and she looked at me funny and in a matter of fact tone, said OM's name. I said, oh, ok... cool, well y'all have fun. After getting back to our seats, I decided to go and sit with her for the remaining hour of the game. She was very nice, talkative and we got along great.
I had to give her an update on some things with the house through text...schedule of pool guy, lawn guy, tree trimming, etc... She texted back and told me the OM can take care of the pool as he has offered and since he lives across the street it would be no problem. When she said this I was livid and told her that no, I don't think that would be appropriate. Shortly after I said that, I texted back and said, on 2nd thought, yeah that would be fine and it would save me $70.00! I did't hear back from her about this. More on this later...
Again, to my knowledge, she went on date and spent the night with OM Saturday night.
Sunday rolls around, me and my son go to church, lunch, shopping, etc... and at about 1:30pm I hear from wife asking If I can drop son off around 5:00pm. I agree and say no problem. When I drop son off, everything is great, I even tell her a funny story that gets her cracking up and then we go off on our way.
Later last night, I mentioned again about OM cleaning the pool and her response now was "OMG, I can't believe you would expect/allow him to do this, etc...". My response was that it wasn't my idea but I was just going along with it to no ruffle any feathers, save money and since I don't live there anymore anyways, whats the difference? Needless to say, OM is NOT doing the pool.
There were many other things to discuss and I recommended that instead of doing via phone/text, that I would text her to be more clear and concise. She agreed and I sent email last night about 7:00pm
Some of the topics were: broken AC unit (1/2 of the house gets really hot), Pool, Yards, Phone Bill, Summer Camp, Keeping/Selling the House, Divorce/Attorney, Current Visitation Schedule, 4th of July Plans, God.
Note: Prior to me send this lengthy email to her last night, she was calm, good mood, and overall good spirits. The email was very clear and to the point, non-emotional, etc... The biggest sticking point recently has been the house. In no way will she be able to keep the house (income, credit, interest rates, etc.) and the plan all along has been to sell the house. As I have mentioned in previous posts our home is the nucleus of the neighborhood where a lot of the kids come to play, swim, hang out. So in the last week she has this new kick that she is adamant about keeping the house. And at the very least keep it through the summer months so the kids can play, swim, etc.
She called me after getting the email and was a completely different person. Mad about me wanting to make 4th of July plans with son (tradition that we take a trip somewhere and watch fireworks), mad that I was not supporting her on wanting to keep the house (even went as far to say that I should continue to pay for it after divorce is final so our son won't be displaced), mad about the AC unit not be fixed. We talked on phone for about 30 min and even went into relationship talk (no-no), and why I got a vasectomy 6 years ago.
Last, I have genuinely become closer to God in the time than I have in my entire life. Another thing that set her off was that me and son were looking into getting baptized soon. She always wanted to be a part of this and get baptized with us. She was upset over this.
Is she starting to see what is about to be lost? Is she starting to come out of the fog? Or is she just upset that her whole world is about to change?
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Is she starting to see what is about to be lost? Is she starting to come out of the fog? Or is she just upset that her whole world is about to change?
sellout,
She's upset because up until now, you've been a pushover and you've done what she wants you to do. Now, you're starting to push back a little and she doesn't like it so she's trying to pull you back in. Don't allow her to pull you back.
I hate to say this, but she isn't seeing anything, she's not coming out of her fog, and she's not upset that her life is about to change.
She's doing what she's doing so her life WILL change. She seems quite happy with OM from what you've said. I'm the last guy that should say this, but you're making everything about HER. What about you?
I am going to be blunt with you. Everything you are doing in the opposite of what DB recommends. You are pursuing your wife who is in an active PA which makes you look really weak. She is cake eating big time and you keep feeding it to her.
I ask for the third time. What are your 180s you keep mentioning?
