Deb - On H assuming you had an affair -- I think if the next time HE mentions it, just offer to field any questions he has -- Ask away and answer honestly - especially if you have nothing to hide. Gingerly tell him you have a new "box of tools" now and realize that distance is not a solution, you are now working on positive solutions which include physical intimacy along with emotional intimacy. A Win-Win situation.
On the asking questions and appearing needy -- Ask yourself EVERYTIME you are about to ask a questions that could be perceived in a negative light - "Am what I am about to do going to bring me closer or further to my goals" If closer, ask away, if further, be quiet. If you are aware of the monthly cycle and emotions, implement the 5 second rule - stop for 5 seconds and think before your respond (ask the question above). See how this works for you.
