you'd think after all this time I would have learned to keep my mouth shut....especially when things seem to be going well....tonight I "kind of" blew it just before bringing S in to class....H got home from bad day at work, both of us had tough days, actually, maybe that adds to being wound up for me, and said he was almost out of gas and had to go back to get gas....low fuel light was on....of course my crazymaking mind thinks "oh my god, he's going to meet her"....so, any way, i tried to bite my tongue, but went to hug him good bye, and a big tear rolled down my cheek and "are you going to see some one?" popped out of my mouth....damn, I jinxed myself by mentioning my goal of not saying anything....He got kind of irritated, told me to step back inside the door if I wanted him to give me a hug, and said "no I'm not, I'll wait until you get home to go get gas if you want me to". I told him I didnt want him to do that, I was sorry I brought it up, had a rough day and it made me really anxious. He did give me a hug before I left, I guess I feel better that he said he would wait to go get gas, but I don't want him to do that. His face looked like he was telling the truth. I just have such a hard time after all the times he's lied to me. My new prayer: Lord help me keep my mouth shut!.
I guess it could have been worse though, I wsn't angry, didnt yell or scream or even say more than the sentence above. There was a day when I would have really lost it.
I just have such a need to know he's being truthful. I'm not sure how to get past that. more detaching to be done, I guess.
