Thanks so much for your lovely, encouraging, kind post. I'm really sorry I haven't replied any sooner. Kind of fell into a black hole.
I have a question - you say if you could move the kids, you would in a heartbeat. Even if this meant they wouldn't see their mom?
My lawyer advises I could fight to move my son back home - it will cost a fortune, but on the balance I would likely win. It's not the money though, it's my love for my son. I don't want to do anything to make him upset. My home is a 13 hour direct flight from his father's home. When my son wakes up in the night and says "I miss daddy", at least here I can say "you can see him tomorrow". Can't do that if I move back home.
So am coming to the realisation this is it. I'm going to have to live here. Die here. I'm grieving all the time.
Do you ever plan to move back home when the kids are grown? I've been thinking that, but by the time my son is grown my parents and a lot of my family will have passed. And I want to be around to see his children, should he have any.
I am trying really hard to integrate like never before. I've been on a bunch of Meet Ups. Went dancing by myself. It wasn't good. A club full of lost people in pain, trying to lose themselves in sensuality. I've not gone back to that one since. The other meet up I did was for a theatre group. They were a bit frosty, they were all a certain vintage and I was a bit out of place. Having picked myself off the floor, am going to try another one this Wednesday, philosophy group.
