I'm not even sure what to post today for an update....I havent gotten much done on my home work, Dazed...but I'm thinking a personal goal I need to work on is to quit obsessing (haha!) and let some of this stuff happen on it's own. I don't think I'm doing all that bad of a job, I think our R is much improved, and frankly I just don't think H is going to go anywhere....I'm scared to say that for fear of jinxing the sitch, but he makes references to the future that make me think he isnt....we just talked Thursday and Friday about doing some refinancing/restructuring....H wants to go ahead...theres no reason to if we arent together...he talks about vacation, going camping, cutting wood for next fall.... some of the stuff I've read in midlife crisis about the stages and reconnecting make me think he's beginning to reconnect. Of course I want him to tell ow it's over, tell me he's told her that, and put his ring back on, but I know he's a proud, person who needs to feel he's asserting himself, so it will be in his time, not mine.
as far as the "reconnecting", the post talks about that they will first reconnect with their families....I was struck yesterday at inlaws how much more "connected" H was than at new years, when he was weird and withdrawn and quiet...(day before I caught him shacked up w/OW and S--t hit the fan) and at Thanksgiving when he said "I don't want to be around those people" and left the state. Yesterday h played and joked and laughed and talked...was pleasant to everyone... the "reconnecting" also talks about them beginning to reconnect with their children....he's started doing things w/S again...little things like shooting bb guns on weekends...that he used to do; I got him new shoes & suit for D's wedding, and he thanked me, said he thought D would appreciate it & that it was important to look nice for it (this from the guy who was talking about dying his hair orange for the occasion 2 months ago), and last night he spent about 45 minutes talking to her on the phone (previously refused to even talk to her when she called). The post talks about them reconnecting with pets....he's picking up the little dog and hugging it again, talking affectionately to the big ones, where he used to just yell at them.
It talks about them becoming interested in their home's again....H came and got me 2 x a week ago to take me to the gardend to show me flowers that were blooming and ask me what kind they were, commented how the garden needs lots of work (he hasnt noticed or cared for years) and this morning I had an email where he mentioned the cold snap we're having being bad for the flowers....
The reconnecting post says they reconnect last w/the spouse....maybe that's whats starting to happen w/him inviting me to walk, etc.....he is starting to initiate hugs a little also.
According to the post, they get rid of the op towards the end of the "replay" stage....If in fact he's starting into "reconnection", maybe that is coming soon.
I hope I have realistic reasons to be hopeful and am not just "straw grabbing"
