I still miss her and that sounds so crazy when I say it or write it but I do. Why I want to take care of her still is a struggle to comprehend.
When you think about of someone "losing their wife"/D/Separated whatever AND losing their job it sounds really bad. Truth is I'm in the best shape of my life and my options are limitless. I'm really and truly happy with who I've become and excited about my future. I can move anywhere and do anything. I am free.
It's normal to miss what you had. I did and do. I'm sure I'll miss my stbxw regularly once we're finished with D. I know that will pass. I'll always miss what we had before it all went bad. Those were great times and I'm grateful for the long term successful marriage we had for 26 years. Unfortunately that marriage essentially ended back in 2013 when she went nuts (MLC) and cheated. The post-A marriage is tainted. I don't care how much work she does, I do, we do. It's tainted. It took me until a few months ago to realize I was sick of it. I wanted more out of life/marriage. I won't accept a tainted marriage. It can't be fixed. I'm also grateful for the 180/GAL/detach advice. That is what saved me. I did it so well that it stuck. I really did move on and realized I didn't want to move backward. I'll keep moving on and I'm very excited about the future. You're going to be fine too.
