Blu, I saw Tx's thread on the taint as well. Now keep in mind my H has not come back, has not asked to come back, and likely never will. Nevertheless, I have thought about this a lot in the last few days. He was a virgin when we met (at 20-21). He had never even dated anyone. I remember telling him at the time he was in such a rush to marry (7 months from the date we met) that he needed to experience other people. He talked me into it sadly. At first I saw him as very tainted. I know for a fact he is whoring it up out there. But then I thought about my own crimes (gaining weight, not taking care of my appearance, being controlling, not supporting him, being embarrassed of him at times, carrying anger, not communicating, and ignoring the problems I knew were there). At that point I thought, what right do I have to pass judgment on him. When did I become perfect? When did I figure it all out? When have I had to deal with a debilitating mental illness (for that is what it seems). What are any of us but a bunch of scars and holes and burns and bandaids? If he ever comes back I have to deal with the person he is right then and there. Is that a person I want in my life. If he is, I have to accept him and his scars and his taint and my own. I know I'm forgiving enough to overlook all of that if the actions going forward are something I can live with. Please don't hold your H to a standard of perfection that none of us can meet. Judge him only by his actions today.
