WW in PA: Threaten to tell kids? Confront OM?

[hoosjim]

Thanks, Sandi. Do not know if you read my entire thread, but this is a bit stickier than just an OM... He was a good friend of mine AND a bit of a friend to the boys. Also, the affair has been ongoing for nearly 6 months. Finally, we have not even mentioned the word "divorce", and have not even really discussed separation. My W has been effectively cake-eating. She has not been manipulative and disrespectful apart from the A (yes, that is a biggie) but all the other signs-- addictive behavior, personality change, selective memory, extreme selfishness-- of a WW are all there. I do not want to "grant her a divorce"... I do not even want to go down that road. i DO, however, want her out of my bedroom and, ASAP, my house as long as the affair continues. My understanding of the WW playbook in that regard was to put my foot down and insist on contact being cut or she's out. Are you saying that if she refuses to cut contact I should immediately lawyer up or otherwise get into a divorce-preparation stance? Separation not enough? Be interested in your take on all of this, particularly given the additional color on the A with the OM and how, if at all, that would affect how you approach telling the kids IF, as I suspect she will, she "chooses" the OM. (Alot stacked against me here, including that her best friend is also currently a wayward-- with multiple infidelities-- who runs in the same circle as the OM and who has a VERY outgoing personality and VERY jaded view on marriage and commitment.)

Also, still interested in anyone's take on WON I confront the OM for a FTF talk before OR after talking to my wife. To reiterate, I do not think that this prospect will be a dangerous one. (Then again, I never thought the guy would try to steal my wife.)