WW in PA: Threaten to tell kids? Confront OM?

[hoosjim]

Cadet, that is very difficult and not sure I understand. If I set boundary of "I won't share her" under common roof or while cohabitating, and put decision on her to cut contact or else move out of mbr (and ultimately out of house), and she opts to not cut contact (which is the likely outcome in my case) the kids have to be told SOMETHING. I am on board with and understand the wisdom of not "outing" her about the affair, BUT... she WILL be moving out, and that move is not a decision with which I agree. If she tells them "dad and I have agreed we no longer want to be married", should I NOT say: "no, actually, I still want to work on our problems but your mother does not"? I understand this is a delicate tightrope to walk... I want there to be costs/consequences for my wife's behavior (affair), but by attacking her or appearing to actively alienate the kids from her I could be shooting myself in the foot. How would you or others suggest I approach this... because eventually I MYSELF am going to likely have to say something or answer questions from my very bright and inquisitive sons as to why mom is leaving bedroom and/or moving out. If I always default to "ask your mom"she's just going to say it's a joint decision.