Hey Sotto - yes I have read Codependant No More. A lot of it pertains to me. Codependancy can be pretty complex and has multiple facets to it.
I met with my T yesterday and we spent the entire hour talking about what it would look like if I dated a healthy woman. I won't go into detail, but alot of what we talked about was eye opening. We both agreed I'm in no position to be thinking about a new relationship (I dont even have any interest in dating anyone else) but he was challenging my self defeating inner dialogue that I have with myself.
Last night when I came home I asked WAW what she was going to do regarding her D's bday party at the park this weekend (It's supposed to snow). She said she was swtiching the venue to a brewery up the street that had board games and things like that. Huh? A 10 year old's bday party at a brewery? So I asked if I could make a suggestion and said she should consider the bowling alley and that if she did all the arrangements, I would pay for it. Honestly, I just want D to have a fun bday and I'm not trying to buy W's love for me. W was friendly for the rest of the night.
This morning she's back to being stand-offish and distant. Something clicked for me as I walked out the door on my way to work. I'm going to survive this. I know everyone has been telling me this for a long time but I never could buy into it. I felt a peace and calm wash over me on my drive to work. I even thought of some of the good times I had with W and it made me smile.
I'm feeling strong today. I feel excited to embrace my independence. I'm sure I'll be whining about my broken heart in a few hours but, this is the first time I've felt a break from the pain since this all started a month ago.
I'm thinking about taking some trips by myself. I've never done that before and it never appealed to me to take a trip without a partner.
We'll see what happens. For now, I will enjoy the break from the anguish..
