25--This is where I think it might help you to treat him as though he is NPD and try to strategize how you can get what you want while making him feel grand in the process. I worry if you go for contempt that will be the ultimate calling out of his behavior and he may try to make you pay in some other way. I hear what you're saying. That's why I began this so reasonably and took precautions against embarrassing him at all (had to serve him at work since I had no address for him but I scheduled it so no patients would be there).
But if he's already refusing to comply with court orders, AND has filed motions to decrease the support that he's already not paying...I mean, my fear is that he's going to deplete the nest egg b/c he's 60 and I'm not...he's not supposed to, but so what?
Court orders have thus far meant nothing to him.
Once I started treating mine as if, regardless of whether he is, the paybacks I was experiencing came to a screeching halt. Just throwing this out there, did you ever consider filing for legal separation and tying up the financials without filing for divorce? Yes, and I filed for sep in 2006, partly b/c of yet another secret trip to Alaska, and to protect asses from his "investing" up there.
Don't forget that h retrieved me from the hospital back east, and then left me alone in California. I was in a fog, he was in a hurry to get back to the tundra.
Our s30 drove up to check on me and I was in such a fog. And then I realized h had cut off my access to funds. I had $700 in my bank account and got radio silence from h when I texted and called to ask. I could not drive, could not bathe or swim without supervision.
H asked me to sign some form of waiver of rights that in my fog, I signed. He was on his way out the door to the cab. In my right mind there's no way in he11 I'd sign something like that if I were not then impaired, which h, the MD, knew.
My siblings were appalled and urged me to seek counsel. So I did, the next day. It sure looked like h was going to file up in Alaska or simply drop out of sight financially. Or send me an "allowance" now and then...if he felt it was justified. I specifically asked and he ignored my requests.
Own, for the first time in my life I could not care for myself. It's mortifying to admit but it's simply true. The seizures and meds took a toll on my mental faculties for awhile. I'm a lot better now. But I lost several weeks back then and I just thank God for my family flying out to help me pack, and drive me cross country in a van.
I prayed and talked it out and simply felt I was in an impossible situation. I think h practically dared me to file. And you know, I'm not sure H would ever have filed if it were up to him BUT he might have
and the law up there would have been crazy for me, and inappropriate.
I could never live up to his expectations (be a US senator) and he was furious at me for ....I guess being needy and not agreeing to move up there, again...and then there was OW who made it so much easier.
The risks were too high not to file, and h gave every indication I could not rely on him for anything...
They really hate it when you file for divorce. Could you convert the D to such a separation? He could fight it or later convert it, which would make him feel he was getting what he wanted, that he was the one divorcing you rather than the other way around. Of course I have no idea how far down the road you are. I just hate to see this crap he is pulling with you. I think if he had the semblance of control he might knock this crap off.
I hear what you are saying. But we are too far gone for that. Besides I think h probably wants to marry OW. He's "in a relationship" with her on FB so I don't see how he'd go back to a sep, since he pretends we are already divorced.
He shows nothing but contempt for me in his pleadings and his public behavior.
And Own, I do want to move on. I need to make plans for my own professional future and someday dating. And I don't want to be married when I begin dating.
H has streaks of narcissism in him now, clearly. I think it was your link to the behaviors and he has about 7 of the 10, though the history of our marriage was different/better.
SMH...and going to sleep.
Nice "trip" to California in the morning...at least I'll see my kids!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
