Maybell 40

[Zues126]

I was talking to a colleague with many more years than me in the business, and mentioned being Den Leader for my S9's Cub Scout den because nobody else would do it. He said "WTF are you doing leading a scout den when you're supposed to be working your a$$ off here? It doesn't matter what your reasons are. You need to tell him, sorry honey, Mommy is trying to build a business to make all our lives better. If nobody else will step up then there won't be a den."

I feel like a chump but I just can't see sacrificing my family for this career where I'm not sure where the payoff is. I'm not selfish enough to do this job. I do have the LEAST support of anyone I know in this business and with or without Cub Scouts, that would be a huge challenge. But I'm just not willing to sacrifice my kids that way. I fought for the settlement I got to make sure my kids would be OK. As I see it, getting a career rolling that would make me self-supporting is about ME, not about the kids (except that I won't be a burden to them when they're older) and so even if Cub Scouts were a dealbreaker, which it's not, I'd have a hard time giving that up on top of all the other stuff the kids and I have given up in our family life. Zues might disagree with me...

Hey Maybell. Thanks for the update.

I don't know the ins and outs of your situation and it's up to each of us to weigh out our priorities. But I absolutely don't buy in with this belief of rise to the top at all costs to yourself and your family. I think that we have a workaholic culture that isn't good for anyone. Like my company, they give you a reasonable amount of time off, but then they frown on you for taking it and expect managers to work ridiculous hours. Most of the VPs in the company start sending emails at like 5AM and keep sending them on their blackberries until 10PM. It's like there's some game of chicken going on, or some auction where people are auctioning off their families and lives for a corner office and personal parking spot. It's really gross to me. That's why I stopped managing sales people and got back into a sales role myself, so I could be compensated based on results and not my very blood.

I have been struggling with the culture in sales as well. There's a perpetual sense of panic, it's never enough, the message is that we're always on the verge of disaster and failure and we need business right now today to keep alive. Day after day that is the message. I really hate this. For me, I have a few main motivators:

1. I like the feeling of being good at what I do. I enjoy the satisfaction of driving home knowing I did a great job.

2. I like helping my customers. It makes me feel good to know my customers appreciate working with a professional.

3. I need the money. Of course I have to get paid.

4. I like feeling safe. I work hard because I can't stand being in desperation mode. I hate feeling like I don't know if I'll get paid. I hate going into an appointment feeling like I need them to sign up otherwise I'm in some type of financial and social trouble. All it does is make it tougher to perform and make rejection more frustrating. So I work very hard so I always have enough going on to where one customer or one sale will never make or break me.

Because of #4 I am typically a top producer, but because other people don't necessarily push as hard as me it seems like my supervisor and everyone higher up the chain believe they need to continuously hit the panic button. All day long sending desperate messages making it seem the sky is falling and measuring results minute by minute. It is really disgusting to me. That's not very professional. Particularly from a bank that was just fined 200MIL due to high pressure sales culture.

To make it worse, and getting back on point finally, I am not the number one guy anymore. I am just not willing to auction off everything in my world to be at the top. When I was married and XW handled the children at home I could put nearly all of my energy into work. Maybe that was appropriate at the time, maybe I was too caught up in the competition of it all. But these days that isn't possible or desirable. I don't want to work 60 hours a week, I don't want to wake up before sunrise and work until sundown, I don't want to live that way. Instead I work a nice cool 40 during the week with the occasional hour here and there on a night or weekend if things really get bottle-necked. Mondays/Tuesdays I have my children so I often come home a bit early to spend more time with them, answering my phone if something priority comes up, then maybe do a bit of work after they go to bed. Wednesday/Thursday I work a little bit longer and get into a work focused rhythm. But I pick my kids up from school this Friday afternoon and I intend to enjoy my weekend with them.

Fortunately I'm good enough at what I do and I work super hard while I'm at work (I'm very focused and manage myself very well so it's very productive time continuously when I'm on the clock). So I'm not in any danger of failing and I'm meeting all expectations. And this is enough for me. I don't need to be number one. As long as I can be good at what I do, take care of my customers, get paid, be safe, and have time to enjoy my kids, I couldn't care less what some sr. vp thinks when he compares me to some single 27 year old with no kids that is trying to make a name for himself.

I don't know your sales gig. If there's no one that is successful working a schedule that is livable then maybe it isn't the right gig. But if there are people that are still meeting expectations and valued members of the team that are working a healthy schedule then just do that and who cares what mr. 'you're supposed to be building a den' or whatever is saying. When I managed a sales team of course I loved my superstars that were at 150% of quota every month and raised the bar. But when I had people that had families and other obligations that still showed up, were punctual, positive, professional, worked hard, and used their time to consistently meet the goals and sometimes go beyond...well, even though they weren't the top producers, I always valued them and admired them and made sure they were appreciated on my team.

I'm hopeful that's the person you can be on your team, but if it's one of those departments where out of 10 people there are only 2 people doing well, one has been there 12 years and is friends with the owner, one has been there for 7 years and is just getting by, and everyone else is struggling and searching for other jobs on the internet...well, if it's one of those gigs then you might have to make some hard decisions.

In the end though I've seen enough of you to know that you are very valuable and you'll always have a team to play on. I know exactly how tiring it can be to start a new position and have to go through that transition and learning curve, and I also know that moving to something less challenging is scary in that it might be a bit boring at times, but in the end you'll find a way to have work and your family.

Keep us posted on how things develop and hang in MB!