Completely detaching is going to be hard. I don't want to come off like I'm neglecting my W again. But I do see where my wife is taking advantage of my kindness in some ways. Unless that's just way of her subconsciously testing my responses again.
Be careful with too much non-pursuit, given that you say you neglected her. Neglect was basically my wife's biggest complaint, I think. I've found that I seem to make the best improvement with her when I'm making contact and giving her attention. You have to try a lot of different things, and do whatever seems to work, and avoid whatever seems to make things worse. That is the most important DB rule, I think. Just make sure the things you try seem very reasonable. For me, the worst thing has been making my wife mad, since BD. She feeds on anger to do hurtful and cold things to me, and to stay on the divorce/OM train. If you watch the Last Resort Technique video series, you'll see where MWD warns against using a lot of no contact toward a wife that has been neglected. You definitely don't want to aggravate the cr4p out of her, either. I would suggest talking to a DB Coach. When everyone on the forums was telling me to not write letters or make any contact, Coach Chuck told me to call her and told me what to tell her, because I told him that she seems to respond most to me contacting her, versus giving her a lot of space. Remember to look for baby steps in the right direction, Tread. And this is all advice coming from someone in a very similar boat as you. So, take this with a grain of salt, because I'm learning, too.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
