Thread #3 - Mediation

[25yearsmlc]

now i'm in a different place that isn't nearly as positive about my future relationship with my wife (married or otherwise).

Im not sure what that has to do with DBing or your comments below.

That said, why do you think you deserve 'more than half'?

Why not? Doesn't hurt to ask for it. She's getting what she wants - out of the marriage. I might as well get something I want - more than half.

I suppose not. Why do you think she deserves less than half of the marital assets? To me, it reads like you deserve some kind of monetary reward for the damage to your ego or self esteem. Im certainly not a lawyer, but I cant imagine asking for more than half.

What do you have to gain by 'telling her off'? Personal satisfaction.

Personal satisfaction in saying hurtful things to someone else?

What are your goals? For my kids and I to have happy lives. And how does this get you closer to them? It will make me feel better - i've been nice about this situation too long and I need to express my feelings.

Why do you think you will feel better for more than just a few minutes/hours/days?
This sounds like, again, you just want to inflict some damage as retribution for what you have experienced. Hurt people hurt people. How about instead of telling her off, you use that energy to heal yourself?

Regardless of whether or not you want to R, I dont see how doing this is good for anyone. It probably isn't, but neither was her affair.

So because you feel you were wronged, you deserve to be able to do or say whatever you want?

I am a L. When you ask for more than half of assets , you appear unreasonable. You are not the first jilted spouse to feel entitled to more property based on the fault of the other spouse. Judges have seen this 205445794 times...it is a waste of time that can annoy the judge, and make you appear too angry to be seen as objective. That might matter when issues of credibility arise.

I assume it's a no fault state or a no fault divorce, so then her affair is legally irrelevant, which is hard to hear, I know. But that is what no fault means, (it has advantages too, but that's a different topic).

Second, telling her off achieves the opposite of your goal.

She will NOT Slap her forehead and say "OMG he's right! I'm a horrible person and will walk in shame now...forever regretting my horrible choices."

Instead, she'll say "OMG what a jerk I'm leaving and he just proved I'm right to go. See everyone? I told you he had a temper/mean streak and is petty and vindictive"...

even righteous anger cannot be heard by a WAS. Understand this. I tried every word combination to wake my h up, and I think I'd have won if i were in the Supreme Court arguing, but he could/would not hear me. Period.

When I say "be a man only a fool would leave", I sometimes mean, be a man who is strong and calm in the face of betrayal, a man above reproach, who acts with honor and strength,

leaving an image in her head of a man whom she wounded, deeply, but who put his children ahead of his ego and marched forward with his dignity anyway...

someday into the arms of a loving loyal woman who laughs & loves with him.

That^^^ is the most likely way to get her to regret her choices, but most importantly that is the way you are most likely to live a happier life, sooner.

That old adage "the best revenge is a life well lived", is very apt.