You hit it out of the park. I will need to read and reread your post to get a full grasp of it.
Not to break protocol - I should not be talking to much about my situation on your thread so I'll give you all the highlights.
The reason I'm here is to rebuild my MR. Like the bumper sticker says be patient - God is not done with me yet.
It's a long road ahead and I own my issues and they will be taken care of no matter what happens with W.
As you stated (so well) many of us have all let our spouses issues crash intro our lives and visa versa. This has caused heartache and marital breakdown. Those bad interactions became a habit - and it only takes one to break that habit.
I don't have a scorecard per se, as part of this process I have been brought to my knees, many times, as I realize what a mess my MR is.
I won't drone on.
Look for updates on my thread.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017