No. We do not have any intimacy going on at the moment. The last 2 years were rough and really we lost our connection in the last 6-7 months prior to me DBing. I know she has her issues too but I honestly realized all of my faults leading to where we are and what I could have done differently to change this outcome. I am a very different man today than I was almost 7 weeks ago and I am very proud of who I have become. I have been able to show my wife love and understanding knowing that I will not be getting anything in return. Yes It hurts a lot and sometimes too much. These past weeks she has been making baby steps closer to me and I feel like I am discovering my W all over again.
I have been listening to a lot of music which helps keep me calm and focused on my goals. I try not to think much about what she does and I try not to snoop as it will only set me back on my growth. Knowing or not knowing details is not going to change what is currently happening. So I try to focus on the small positives.
I don't accept her choices so far but I accept that she is free to make them. I understand the process she went through to get here because of our failing M and I accept the part I played in it. I finally do not take responsibility for her making the choice of having an affair. That one is on her and if she wants to try and save our M, she will be the one to have to accept the damage she has caused by her actions. I am willing to forgive her which I never thought I was a person able to forgive an A. I lover her and right now I just try to show it in little ways when she lets me.
I do not try to compete with the OM. I truly enjoy her presence whenever she comes to me and I try to remain happy even though I am heartbroken on the inside. I have not confronted her about the affair. I need her to make the choice to come back to me on her own. I need her to choose me first and not because she felt she had to. If she doesn't than as hard as it is I am better off out of this relationship. Hopefully I won't have to make that decision. I am giving her the time and space she needs. In the meantime I am becoming the husband that she will have to think twice about before leaving.
