25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[25yearsmlc]

3 "Pearls of Wisdom" I learned in the past few days --

1) "Don't put a rational spin on irrational behavior" which i took to mean, stop trying to wrap your logical or strategic brain around someone who is acting on emotion or an irrational belief or some unseen unknowable plan.

I already wasted time asking how my h cannot regret - so much-

Bottom line is, HE DOESN'T REGRET IT. While I can think that is "so wrong" - that is that. Still true.

2) I heard that certain fish will die if they stop moving.
They have some sort of "ventilation breathing" that means they have to keep moving, or they'll die.

I feel like if we stop to wallow in our sense of loss and grief, We'll be paralyzed.

Forward motion is mandatory, and to me, forward motion = GAL, mostly.

3) Stop mourning a future that wasn't likely to happen, anyway.

It's my time machine analogy. (Technically I'm the WAS but let's just say I'm the LBSer for the sake of clarity and discussion.)

So, the LBSer mourns the loss of what the marriage was, in the past. (And that is if we are lucky enough to have had that type of closeness for real. Some never do, some marriages were in a constant state of "maybe it'll get better later").

I'm lucky in this sense, b/c I know we had a solid loving marriage, we were in love, and made a good team, for many years. I do miss that, but it's gone. I also miss my deceased parents very much. But They're not coming back.

I have no time machine to go back.

OR we want the TIME MACHINE that makes us mourn the loss of a marriage we hoped for, later...a future where all would be well, or all the goals would be reached and

THEN we could be happy /spend time together, be financially secure / be romantic/ speak in each other's love languages, stop fighting & magically have solved all problems.


In the last decade I've hoped my Dbing and love (and yeah, my sacrifices) would all be worth it, that we'd return to what we once had Or that h would appreciate my loyalty and love and remember what a great catch I am. Well, if he did, it didn't last long...or his mother's cancer derailed our piecing path...

In reality, I now see that I mourned the loss of a future that was not likely to happen with this man, anyhow.

As it relates to the future, I mourned something that isn't real.

As it relates to now and how h is behaving - I would not date this man...he's not honest and he lacks empathy. His legal divorce behaviors have been needlessly aggressive and offensive. Not a great strategy, btw.

Okay I'm off to bed in a few.

Just thought I'd journal and vent here. Thanks for listening.