I'm so very sad that you had to feel these things and put yourself through this. I think your situation is so hard because he gave you cause for hope right away that things were going to work out. Instead, he is behaving like all the rest of them--not sure what he wants, not sure what he is doing, not sure how things will end. I have the luxury of an H who does not communicate with me, does not make promises, and holds out no hope for the future. That makes it much easier for me to let go.
Sounds like you are now there. You through a depth charge or whatever they call it in the water. Now you have the luxury to stand back and watch what happens. Let go. Let him go. You said you were and now do it. Hope is the killer. That is why you feel so devastated. Let it go too. Live your life. You have a great life and lots of support. The color just emanates from your posts.
I know you have heard this time and again, but you deserve so much better than you have received in this life.
