WW in PA: Threaten to tell kids? Confront OM?

[hoosjim]

I think putting my foot down and enforcing that boundary IS the right thing to do here... but it's very hard. Had a couple of zen-types.. good friends... counseling me that I need to be "loving" and "uncontrolling" etc. etc. That, and the personal changes and 180s and a bit of detachment seemed to help... at first. For a few weeks she sharply reduced contact with the OM and seemed to be reconnecting with me. Then, a couple weeks back, something happened. Like a light switch. Not sure what it was but think she "ended up" at a bar night or gathering or event (she goes out with her girlfriends from time to time, one of whom runs in the OM's circles occasionally) where the OM was and things rekindled. Thought things were on the right track, but now more distance (and more hopeless-looking) than ever. Like a roller coaster. Been growing in a lot of ways but this is holding me back because can't move forward. And, of course, I find that I am crazy in love with her.