IMO you are asking for help and we are trying to give it to you and you are making excuses on why you can't take our advice.
I believe you know what is going on but fear is paralyzing you at this point which is perfectly understandable. The $hit [censored] big time! You can avoid reality but you can't avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.
Did you finish reading Chris73's thread? Please consider setting and enforcing strong boundaries.
