IMO, I would suggest something like" W, remember when you agreed to full transparency, to put my mind at ease, I would like full access to your phone, email etc".
If she has anything to hide she will turn it around on you and say you are being controlling. If she has nothing to hide she will show you to put your mind at ease.
This is good, but I also know she is wise and will have already deleted anything that could be revealing. Ultimately this will make me look controlling and I'll feel like an idiot.
Why are you so worried about coming off as controlling? Was this an issue in your marriage?
Let's approach this from a different avenue. What if you asked her for her phone and you found incriminating text messages that confirmed she was in still contact with OM. What would you do?
Why are you so worried about coming off as controlling? Was this an issue in your marriage?
Let's approach this from a different avenue. What if you asked her for her phone and you found incriminating text messages that confirmed she was in still contact with OM. What would you do?
Wouldn't she have called or texted in real time to say she was sleeping those drinks off in her van? I unfortunately don't think you're getting anything approaching transparency.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Wouldn't she have called or texted in real time to say she was sleeping those drinks off in her van? I unfortunately don't think you're getting anything approaching transparency.
I agree and those are the points I keep bringing up with her. I've only been asking her lately to let me know if she is being held up or if there are other things she still needs to do. Just keep me in the loop...she does this part of the time, but obviously not that night. Her Mom was blowing up her text while I was mostly quiet (avoiding the controlling label). She wasn't even responding to her own Mom which is very uncharacteristic. She is literally flying solo and her parents are showing the same concerns as I. She WILL crash and burn at some point and will find very few people will be there to pick her up. Literally her Mom, Dad, and I are the only ones truly close to her but she is ignoring all of us for the most part and just doing her thing....full on rebellion.
IMO you are asking for help and we are trying to give it to you and you are making excuses on why you can't take our advice.
I believe you know what is going on but fear is paralyzing you at this point which is perfectly understandable. The $hit [censored] big time! You can avoid reality but you can't avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.
Did you finish reading Chris73's thread? Please consider setting and enforcing strong boundaries.
I do know that she is tuning the rest of the world out. I'm still thinking some depression, definitely MLC, most likely an ongoing affair. This is looking more and more difficult considering the multiple changes and challenges I am facing with her. I'm quickly losing hope and have no idea which direction to go.
When she is home she is friendly, always wanting to talk about her yoga...but not much else. Never any relationship talks unless I initiate and then it's still..."I don't know what I want", "I'm lost", etc. Some days she helps with the kids, some days nothing just lays in bed on Facebook or Pinterest.
Kids are sensing something is wrong and are taking notice. I'm still being the strong one that they can depend on...and always will be able to. She does care and love them but she is on auto-pilot for the most part.
I'm frustrated and need my space...but I always need to remain the strong and available one for my kids.
Alright read up on some boundaries but these likely need a lot of work...thoughts? #1 I need to implement ASAP. #2 I haven't been able to confirm that something is still going on. Looks like it but no solid proof so I'm not sure how I can change it to reflect on current sitch.
I need your continued transparency to regain trust after you lied to me. Therefore, I need to be able to view your messages and emails as necessary. If you cannot agree to this then you are free to pay your own portion of the phone and internet bills.
I will not tolerate you contacting the OM any longer as this is the ultimate disrespect to me. If you continue to do so then I will pursue separation or divorce.
