Zues and Kaizen - i think you both read a little too far into what i was saying. While yes, i am giving up on saving the marriage, i was using this forum as a place to vent so i don't actually say and do those things.
Sometimes it can certainly be difficult to capture tone in the words on the screen here. All we can do is respond to what we see. When I read something like "I also really just want to tell her off. She deserves to hear it. But, i'll probably wait until after I have signed custody and asset agreements.", its difficult to understand whether this is a serious plan or whether you are 'venting'.
Would I love to give my ex a piece of my mind? Of course! It [censored] getting hurt. But lashing out in retaliation doesnt do any good for me. I will lay out my own personal boundaries of what I will and will not accept, but telling that person off for personal satisfaction isnt a lasting feeling or an action that will get me closer to my goals.
Originally Posted By: KevinIn
I just don't want to be a doormat and let her dictate every single thing just because i'm trying to do a 180 and not be as controlling as she perceived me to be.
Nobody is suggesting that you be a doormat. You said that you wanted to 'tell her off' so that 'you could feel better'. That doesnt sound like standing up for yourself; it sounds like trying to inflict pain or to get even.
Originally Posted By: KevinIn
I've been absurdly cooperative and nice for the 5 months since BD. She's become more angry and mean during these 5 months for some odd reason. There's only so much being nice that someone can take if the other person continues to be mean. Since we have kids, we are forced to interact and she is just not a good person to me during those interactions even though i'm being a 100% good person and not being mean.
Are you being nice because thats your personality? Or are you being nice with the expectation that she will respond to your 'niceness'? Because THAT isnt nice at all. You say you are a 100% good person....but it will only last for so long, because you arent getting the recognition for it or response to it? To me, being nice doesnt really have anything to do with the other person's response. Nor does being a good person. Being nice doesnt mean you have to be a doormat or agree to everything that is asked of you. It is perfectly acceptable to be nice and still have your own personal boundaries. It isnt mean to disagree. It isnt mean to say "no".
I apologize if Im coming off as harsh or rude. That really isnt my intention. I dont know that you need to change anything that you are doing. My point is to look at your own motivations. What kind of person are you? What kind of person do you want to be?
And then, why would you let your wife's actions define the way you behave?
