Understood. We both have inner demons that need dealt with. And everything I have done to this point is real, I don't just want to "win her back" I want her to grow old with me. be my partner for all time. I completely understand that there is ups and downs.
I need a lot of work on myself. Just going through stages right now that are extremely hard for me to deal with.
I suppose in the interest of full disclosure, I was emotionally, physically, verbally and sexually abused as a child. the sexual abuse I have worked through and forgiven the person for. They physical and emotional are another story altogether. I do not talk with my older brother and probably never will because he has disassociated himself from the entire family as "we made everything up".
the emotional abuse was different though. I can count on both hands how many times as a child I was told that I was loved. or that anyone was proud of me. Hugs were non existent, any injuries were dealt with on your own, there was no crying period. I was a boy and that was not allowed. This was consistent not only with my parents, siblings but also with grandparents, aunts uncles etc.
My dad was verbally abusive and emotionally. unfortunately he passed away about the time that all the previous indiscretions were going on. I will never be able to confront him over these and let him know the pain it caused. My mother was always a beat down woman. she usually cowered in the corner so to speak. I really hate it when my wife says she is sorry, or calls me Sir because of this. It wasn't until just before he passed that he started telling us that he loves us. Us as in my siblings and I.
Through my own therapy I am going to be working through this and other issues to help with my inner demons.
