Well - my four year romance with Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome has ended, not with a whimper or a bang, but with a nuclear event.
Some background - Mr. TDH was a recovering addict. He won me over with his self-awareness, his loving kindness towards me and my family, and he spoke my love languages. He made me feel cherished and loved in a delightful way. He seemed grateful for every day of healthy living and worked hard to maintain his health.
He had some quirks but I wrote them off as residuals from his addiction history or due to learning how to function as a sober adult.
He's been sober for 7 years, we were together for 4.
Well, at the beginning of April he relapsed. In a spectacular, "suddenly depressed, I'm going to go smoke crack on skid row to kill myself " sort of way.
The last three weeks have been a long saga including three psych hospitalizations, I've had to call the police on him twice to take him in, psych meds, all the kinds of crazy stuff you might expect. At first I fought mightily to try to get him a two week mandatory psych hold ( no luck - our system is terrible) and proper care and treatment.
In the midst of all this, I discover - wait for it - he's had a side chick for the LAST THREE YEARS!
Wow - was I snowed. I never would have guessed; he adored me more than any man I ever dated.
You'd think I would be devastated, but oddly, I'm not. I feel like I've done everything possible to get him help, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. It almost feels like a get out of jail free card. I might feel compassion for the addict, but the sociopathy involved in lying for three years? There's no fix for that character defect and I want no part of it.
Luckily for me, the side chick is pretty codependent, and I'm hoping she will care for his immediate needs so I can just quietly back out of the room. He's clearly got issues WAY beyond any I ever imagined. I feel stupid for being deceived, but not heartbroken. Before I knew any of this stuff, I would have said he was a pretty great boyfriend; I'll just remember the nice parts and move on from the train wreck.
So glad that I never lived with him, kept our finances separate, etc. My life is full and happy without a man, and the good parts of our relationship actually highlighted for me what I would like in a future relationship ( minus the sociopathic deception of course).
Fingers crossed that he leaves me alone as he moves along whatever his path is going to be.
