She doesn't have money for a lawyer and all documents have already been signed for D to be final. I just don't want to go forward with D.
I may use a portion of my 401k to go to school or learn a new profession. I'm bored of the IT/Oracle thing but who knows.
Too early to make decisions like this without counsel.
Can someone please explain where these "scripts" are so I can read through them? I see them referenced in threads but no links to read them that I have found.
M 8 yrs EA 6/16 PA 09/16 Separated 10/16 WW moves out 11/16 D Filed 11/16, Hearing 05/08/17
Today is her Birthday and it has taken all my strength to NOT text her a Happy Birthday. I am still holding tough on my statement that I will not be put into the friend zone as she put it. I just said I'm not interested in being her friend while she is with another man.
It's late and that's when the daemons emerge and attach my mind with thoughts of "what if". I really do not like them so off I go to TV land.
M 8 yrs EA 6/16 PA 09/16 Separated 10/16 WW moves out 11/16 D Filed 11/16, Hearing 05/08/17
I'm starting to wonder if I made a mistake by stopping all contact with WW.
It depends on what you're doing with the time that you're not contacting her. Are you doing GAL, moving on, beginning a great new life without her, or are you sitting around moping, crying, and lamenting your loss? I promise you one of those people she'll be very attracted to and start questioning her own decisions. The other will look pathetic and weak to her. Guess which is which?
Let me explain further. Have you ever broken up with anyone? Many of us have. How did they respond? If they got clingy, needy, moping, crying, begging, etc. that made them even less attractive to you than they had been when you broke up with them. That type of person is not attractive at all and the last thing in the world you want is to get back together with them. If anything, you pity them.
Now on the flip side, if you break up with someone and move on just fine without you? You see them and they're happy, look great, having a blast with their life without you then that is the one you regret letting go. That's the one you want back.
The games people play over matters of the heart are truly immature and asinine but they are what they are and all of us humans play them. We have no choice. Games, however, have winning and losing strategies. The 180/GAL/detach strategy is a winning strategy for this particular game you're playing (whether you wanted to or not).
Don't question the program, it's your absolute best shot at getting your desired results. If it doesn't work out then so be it, the program also set you up for a great new single life full of confidence and excitement about your future. Don't doubt yourself in the program and don't cherry pick any steps, omitting others. Do it all and it's best chance.
Kaizen, I think I was back sliding a bit and wanting to contact her pretty bad. I fought through it though and I'm better now.
Tx, thank you for that. My problem isn't GAL and 180. I'm all good as far as this is concerned. I still miss her and that sounds so crazy when I say it or write it but I do. Why I want to take care of her still is a struggle to comprehend.
When you think about of someone "losing their wife"/D/Separated whatever AND losing their job it sounds really bad. Truth is I'm in the best shape of my life and my options are limitless. I'm really and truly happy with who I've become and excited about my future. I can move anywhere and do anything. I am free.
M 8 yrs EA 6/16 PA 09/16 Separated 10/16 WW moves out 11/16 D Filed 11/16, Hearing 05/08/17
I still miss her and that sounds so crazy when I say it or write it but I do. Why I want to take care of her still is a struggle to comprehend.
When you think about of someone "losing their wife"/D/Separated whatever AND losing their job it sounds really bad. Truth is I'm in the best shape of my life and my options are limitless. I'm really and truly happy with who I've become and excited about my future. I can move anywhere and do anything. I am free.
It's normal to miss what you had. I did and do. I'm sure I'll miss my stbxw regularly once we're finished with D. I know that will pass. I'll always miss what we had before it all went bad. Those were great times and I'm grateful for the long term successful marriage we had for 26 years. Unfortunately that marriage essentially ended back in 2013 when she went nuts (MLC) and cheated. The post-A marriage is tainted. I don't care how much work she does, I do, we do. It's tainted. It took me until a few months ago to realize I was sick of it. I wanted more out of life/marriage. I won't accept a tainted marriage. It can't be fixed. I'm also grateful for the 180/GAL/detach advice. That is what saved me. I did it so well that it stuck. I really did move on and realized I didn't want to move backward. I'll keep moving on and I'm very excited about the future. You're going to be fine too.
You are not free of your love of your wife. Not even close to terminal velocity. You're not free, fully detached, until that happens.
That, my Texas friend, takes time. And if you want it to.
You have had so many vets and highly regarded posters give you great advice. Wise people.
Any way you can just let the Divorce sit for a while? You don't have to tell her anything, just continue to work on yourself. She has a road to travel alone, without you. She has a chance of coming and joining you on your road, though - only if you are healthy enough to never go back to the old gravel road you were on. Not making a decision on the D would give you an opportunity to really step back and view the situation from a 1000 ft. perspective.
You're in the heart of the storm. Don't make too many sudden moves - just keep the ship afloat.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
