25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[180Man]

180

I hear you. (Oh, geez I just realized I've been paying for his/her phone and mine, which was my "Christmas gift" both on my credit card. Excellent).

So now it's her only phone (a pricey iPhone & I ought to know).

So I asked her partner to take the phone and delete the messages, b/c they're not healthy for d19. She agreed.

I think d19 took a screen shot of it...which just so $ucks. She's gay and so she'll associate his rejection with that, I THINK.. D19 was troubled and had a temper, and imo, her being gay is, IN H's opinion a bad reflection on him. I think he's ashamed of her, although I have seen efforts on his end to overcome that. (Hey, I'm not giving him an award, just admitting that he's never condemned her and will tell anyone who gives her crap, that it's none of their business and I have one BIL who says "Christians must condemn gays". H and I were totally on the same page with that idiot).

My guess is it's more that d19 is angry at him b/c she saw more crap from him than the older ones did. She suspects other A's (and she might be right).

She just sent me a text telling me I'm a 'Star mother" and that she is "proud of me and so glad" I'm not with her dad.

I don't feel vindicated, but I feel sad for her and on the other hand, I also do feel loved. Oh Christ...

Hmm, that's a tough one. My older B is gay. He has never told me, but my M told my W and I several years ago. I kind of figured as much, but whatever. Never talked about it with my F at all, I got the impression from my M that he initially rejected the idea but came around to accept it. My M and B are victims, that's their nature. If you ever needed to study the art of the guilt trip, they would be the first ones to observe. To my knowledge my F never said anything to my B about it, nor held anything against him. I suspect he was probably disappointed, perhaps in himself, I'm not sure. I'd ask him but he had a stroke two years ago and has been in a nursing home since. Can't talk, I don't even know how much of him is still in there. My W's step-father met the same fate two weeks after BD. MIL is now taking care of him all the time, plus working two jobs, plus trying to keep kids in line...telling my W to unfùck herself is now a low priority, as much as MIL is on my side. Wow, am I rambling or what?! Sorry!!

I was angry when I was your D's age. It took a girl breaking up with me to really calm me down. I don't know what I was angry about...it was just in there for some reason. You can't do anything about your H's view on D19's lifestyle choice. Everyone who makes that choice has to deal with it in one form another. I'm not saying that's good or bad, it is what it is. But you are a Star Mother for caring about her and asking her partner to clean out the texts!

180,

that's a lousy experience to recall. (Sorry). I'm intrigued that you never mentioned it to your dad.

So, the model of marriage you had growing up wasn't exactly something positive to emulate, was it?

Eh, it's okay. Not as bad as when my W and I drove up to my parent's house after the stroke and found a briefcase of sex toys my F had stashed in the garage which he had, presumably, been sharing with his old secretary. W and I never told my M, we drove down the street and threw it in a dumpster. She found out about the A, but the least we could do was spare her that discovery.

My parents fought a lot when I was young. Nothing physical, just lots of yelling. Consequently, I hate yelling. Was definitely a shock when I went through OCS, hah. They toned down as I got older and by the time I was in college they really seemed to get along like great friends a lot of the time. I know there was still plenty of arguing, but as much as they bítched about each other, I would watch them at dinner and they really got along well sometimes. Let's just say that I thought I had learned what NOT to do from my parents....but....my R went flat instead and now I'm here. At least the dog still likes me, I think...