Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 10

[PsySara]

Not much to update, confronted WH about the Snap Chatting and he claims not to remember to agree to delete it. He said he'd delete it but then it's still there though inactive. He said he doesn't know if pretty, young nurse is single and doesn't really care, that he's not attracted to her. I reminded him that OW isn't his "type" yet he "fel" for her after a lot of poor boundaries.

WH is back to saying ILYBINILWY but saying he can't divorce me because of the guilt. I told him I can't continue to live like this and come summer, my plans are to move into the new house with the kids and he can live somewhere else. He seemed to think this wasn't real and kind of dismissed it. Meanwhile he's storing his motorcycles there. I am spinning in my own head, mostly feeling really bad emotions toward him, wondering if he's worth this fight and fantasizing about finding someone who will treat me like a queen. I vacillate between apathy and anger at WH, I don't even find him attractive anymore.

Financially I can't afford the retainer for a divorce (taxes just came in and WHOA! do we owe $$$$) so I am just doing nothing. Talk about quitting pursuing, I find relief now when I am not with WH. I've come to realize the only way I want to stay married to this man is if he had some sort of epiphany (like Ebenezer Scrooge) and made HUGE changes. I just can settle for this broken human who is so petty and immature. He has no depth, no desire to introspect and become better than a cheating @sshole. He's like a small child that likes shiny new things but grows bored easily. So...for now I do nothing.