our youngest and most angry child, d19, has h's old cell phone. The fool did not wipe his texts clean. Several texts are blasting me or lying to me (and some inappropriate ones to other women he works with that are, at best, way too flirtatious).
But h blasts d19 in some of his texts.
In one text to his bff, he says he "won't invest any more time" in his R with this daughter. He is "giving up on her" (b/c they fought and though she was difficult, it was 90% due to his constant neglect and long absences. PLUS she's the child and he's the parent...)
She retains these painful texts. She wants to post one on his FB page on fathers day.
(OKAY I ADMIT I LAUGHED at that one) but not in front of her...
it's sad, it's horrifying and yet...what did he expect?
I find myself wondering what h believes will happen to his r's when they've rarely seen him or bonded , and all the rest that has happened with us.
actually I do not wonder b/c
1) he does not think of it, it's far too shameful and painful & reflects poorly on him
2) IF and when he does look at the r's he has with our kids, the shame will morph into blame. It'll be my fault.
It sure has in the past.
My T had a great line today. B/c I wrack my brain trying to figure h out and "how can he....and WHY IS he...????" God knows I spent a year doing that a decade ago. Her remark was "don't put a rational spin on irrational behaviors."
I've got to stop boxing h into my head where I really do articulate and examine what I'm feeling, working on processing the emotions and Dealing with them...
that's not what h does. And that's that.
So I need to figure out what I want and what I can do, without h in my head. The money issues loom, that's true. But not everything is about that.
I guess I'm trying to find peace inside no matter what the clouds are doing around me
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
