I won't pretend to know much, I still need almost daily guidance from the awesome vets here. But I do know about forgiveness and what you describe is not forgiveness. I recommend watching "The power of forgiveness" a TED talk by Sammy Rangel. Seriously. I was lucky to come across it.
Hope you and your W find some peace.
M-32 W-32 (both military) T-8 M-6 PA Oct/Nov 16 (happened twice) Discovered PA 11/30/16 S 12/1/16 MC 12/1/16 - 1/18/17 BD 1/18/17 A continues? 1/24/17 texts resume with W & OM W Filed 3/8/17 W Deploys 7/17