3.5 Months of Pain - Fork in the Road

[sellout]

Last topic: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2737229#Post2737229


I wanted to provide an update of situation. So things have calmed down as far as fighting, yelling, screaming. Things are calm. She is still openly dating OM and actually went on a 3 day out of town trip with him. I knew of this because she asked me to watch and spend the night with our son on 2 consecutive school nights (last night and tonight).

When she told me she was going out of town, I didnt act upset or mad but told her I already knew based on the above mentioned information. I did as her where she was going and she would tell me. It doesn't really matter does it? The reason that I do mention this out of town thing is because of the following...she has always been a very protective mother. Last night she never called/texted our son to see how his day was or tell him goodnight.

Same this thing morning, she didn't check on him. Again, the reason I tell these details is because this is really out of character for her. Ok, so on to some other details. She texted me Thursday this past week about the coordination of our son for basically the next week. It was a long text. At the end of the text she said "other than that, I don't want to hear from you". I responded, "ok, thank you". That was about 7:30am Thursday morning.

Well, by 8:00pm that same evening, she called me and just wanted to check on me. We ended up talking for an hour. During this conversation she said that "of course I still love you, but we can't ever be together again". According to her we have too opposite/polarizing personalities that don't allow us to get along. While that is somewhat true, we have never attempted to fix the problems with therapy, discussions, etc...

We are both at fault for this and agreed. She went on to say that she is not as happy as what she is portraying on the outside. She also admitted that she may be dating OM only to dull/numb the pain but she doesn't know for sure because her mind in not in the right place at the moment. What she DOES KNOW is that "he treats her so well with kindness, respect, attentiveness, meets her emotional needs, etc.. and why would she give this up".

I didn't argue with her about it and just stayed calm throughout. Of course what I wanted to say is that, you and him are both still married, dating each other and he is using 1/2 of his wife's money to fund a weekend getaway with his mistress. Yeah, he sounds like a wonderful man. We both have attorneys and the divorce has been filed for the 3rd times after to retractions during the last 3.5 months.
We have yet to see each other with attorneys present and certainly haven't seen each other in court. We are scheduled to see each other this week with each attorney present to discuss division of assets. Again, my plan, is calm, well mannered, upbeat, etc... The divorce is all goes to plan with be final sometime in late June. My only hope at this point is for her to have some sort of "wake-up" moment and realize that this is not best. Side note: she actually made a comment to me that OM "talks her ear off" something that I always did as I am the "talker" in the relationship. Somewhat surprising that she would choose the same thing when she despised it so much.

I am sure there is a lot going on in her head and when they are together that I have no idea about. Does she love him, is she coping and distracting, is she wanting to marry this guy? I would find it highly unlikely that the first guy she started talking to which happens to live across the street that she would fall in love with. I am still doing 180's and getting better by the day.

Last key detail...in one of our marathon phone conversations, she told me..."had you handled this whole situation different in the last 3.5 months we would be working on our marriage and things would be much different. Your actions pushed me further into his arms". Maybe too late but live and learn.

Does anyone have any thoughts or comments?