Was it actually true when you wrote it, and then it changed, or, with the benefit of hindsight, would you say it never was true?
It's true. I don't think "in love" is accurate. Not in a passionate way. I do love her. We've been together for so long and been through so much. She's the mother of the only kids I'll ever have. Great kids (now two adults and one getting there fast).
I've just come to realize that this union is tainted and it's never going to get back to amazing. We married at 19. Our love was innocent. Once the innocence is dead you can't get it back. I think we'll both be better off moving on to relationships with other people and a chance at that innocent type of love you have with a loyal passionate partner where no infidelity has tainted the R.
The therapy was getting to the point where I recognized we almost are trying to brainwash ourselves to feel differently and I don't want to do that. We're 50 years old now. Both of us deserve a betrayal-free love/relationship and that's now impossible with each other because it happened. I know she's 100% remorseful of the past but it happened. I can't keep trying.
For the other person that asked, it started in 2012. I discovered 2013 when the OBS blew the whole thing up in their faces. Turns out my then 45yo MLC wife had a steady AP (neighbor/"friend") and a couple of other one-time things during that year.
I've healed from the past. I understand everything that happened, I accept it, and I have forgiven her. All that still doesn't equal being in love with someone and wanting to stay married to them. That's what I've come to realize and I'm moving on, happily.
